MissOki

Please God.  Please tell me why.  Please explain to me before I lose my mind.  Because I don't understand.

I'm so sad.  The sadness is about to overwhelm me.  But I know it's myself allowing it to engulf me and my sanity.  Friends say be strong.  I'm trying.

Why did it have to be you?  Why couldn't it have been me?

I feel so much pent up inside.  The frustration.  The sadness.  The hurt.  I'm about to explode. I need a good scream right now.

The fact of the matter is, I'm really really sad right now.

DO YOU HEAR ME, WORLD????  I'M SAD! 

And I hurt.  I hurt for my family.  I hurt for myself.

It isn't fair!!!!!  WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?????

I understand there are a million tragedies that happen every day, and more often than not, it's not fair.  But geez.  Lord help my family and myself because we need you right now.

Someone wake me up.

So much on the mind.  But not enough motivation to put it down.  Here are some recent pics.

Ruby

Pink2

Pink

Thank You, God.  Thank You so much, for him and his love.  It was worth the wait.

...................................
2006 Feb 22
To have it be a reality is like having a dream come true.

2006 Feb 7 -
Contentment.  Happiness.

I'm very much in love right now. I smile just thinking about him and his love. I hope and pray this one lasts forever.

I've waited a very long time for this. I've waited a very long time for him.

2006 Jan 15 -
I sit here thinking of him... of the past and of how we came to be.  Everytime I think back to the days we were just friends, and how much I longed for us to be more, it makes me so thankful for how things turned out.

2005 Nov 21 -
At around 3am on Nov 20th, 2005, it finally happened. He kissed me.
...................................

... and it sure bites.

Just kidding.

After a year of planning and waiting, my friends and I finally went on our group cruise.  I had a fantastic time, thoroughly enjoying the company, the food, and the laughs.

Pink powder puff flower

I also had the chance to take my baby into the rainforests of St. Lucia.

I was *so* excited to be able to use it!  How was I supposed to know the "hike" was a real hike, slippery slopes, muddiness, and all! 

I spent half the time trying to protect my camera, the other half trying to snap pics while not falling behind the group.

The hike excursion was tiring and strenuous, but it was worth being able to take my camera for a real world test run.  I can't wait to use it more!

Boat by the water

I definitely have a lot to learn.

But hey, this is a start!  I'm proud just for having the courage of lugging it into a rainforest hike with me.

Me so happy.  ^_^

How did November manage to stealthily and quietly sneak up on me?  It happens every year.  The chill has settled in.  The clocks have been turned back.  Candies and masks have come and gone.  The scent of winter lurks in the air.  I find myself juggling work and play and a zillion other things in between... trying to squeeze them all in before the new year... before the big three-zero.

What will November bring my way?  Let's see... there is my dreaded oral surgery to have my wisdom teeth (all four!) removed.  There are the non-stop birthday celebrations.. seems like everyone I know was born in November haha.  Okay that was an exaggeration.  There is Thanksgiving.  And there is my one year anniversary with my boyfriend.  Busy month.

Speaking of which, my boyfriend has decided to combine my anniversary, Christmas, and birthday presents into one.  If things go as planned, I should be the proud owner of a Nikon D80 very soon.  Words cannot describe how elated I feel.. and how distracted I've been since he mentioned the idea.  I've wanted to own a digital SLR for oh-so-long.  I'm so excited I've been having trouble sleeping and thinking about anything other than the camera, the lenses I want to collect, and the pictures I hope to capture.

This will be my first digital SLR and really, my first time using an SLR.  If anyone has tips or links to pages that would help and inspire me, send them my way!

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* OMM : On My Mind

No, not to me.  That'd be messed up.  I'm talking about when the ex proposes to his current girlfriend and love of his life.  The ex who always meant more than the other exes.  The ex with whom you've remained good friends with.  The ex whom you respect and trust on a deep level.  The ex whom you will always love even if the decision to split had been mostly your own.

In a way, I've always dreaded this day.  Because on this day, it officially meant he would be gone for good.  He would no longer be just my ex, instead he would now be someone else's fiancé.  He'd be one step closer to being unified as husband and wife, and what would feel like a world farther away from me.  Though my feelings for him remain platonic, I think it is only human of me to feel a twinge of envy.

With all that said, it's not to say I will not be happy for him.  On the contrary, I will be especially happy for him.  His special moment will probably mean more to me than most people around me.  Our friendship has gone through ups and downs, laughter and tears.  It has survived two breakups.  Yet to this day, amazingly, it is still intact.  And while I may shed a tear when I hear the official announcement, it would not be one of sorrow or regret.  It would simply be my way of acknowledging the reality that we're all growing up.

And it has only been 7 hours since he left for his two-day trip with his buddies.  I think this is the first time we've been apart since we started dating 9 and a half months ago.  So it's natural for me to be missing him like crazy.  It is natural, right?  =)

So yea, 9 and a half kiss-filled months have flown by and the one year mark is fast approaching.  Which means... gotta find him a present.  I swear I am one of the worse girlfriends ever.  I am so bad at giving gifts.  You'd think I'd improve over time but sad to say, that has yet to happen.

I was thinking something along the lines of tickets to a Patriots game since he's never been and I am always up for watching the Pats play.  That would be a win-win situation! =)  Problem is I already mentioned it so it would no longer be a surprise.  =/

What else would make a good one year anniversary gift for a boyfriend??

To help my weekend pass by faster, I'll be heading to Hampton's Seafood festival tomorrow with about 15 other friends to chow down on some lobsters, clams, and other seafood goodies.  For once, I cannot wait for Sunday evening to come by!